World on Fire
by Rickmanlover24601
Summary: Song fic to Sarah Mclachlan's World on Fire. Centers on Severus Snape's thoughts before the upcoming battle and his reflections on the comforting presence that is Hermione Granger implied. Continues on from Fallen. One Shot.


**World On Fire**

I feel like I'm drowning. Drowning in my own fate My heart is full to bursting. The dark ages are already here and the war is nigh. I know history is written each day as we organize ourselves, recruit and train, and attempt to discover secrets from the other side. I know I'm not alone with my feelings, my anxieties and pain but that does not make living this life any easier. Soon all this will be over and we will see which side claims victory, who's alive, and who was sacrificed for the cause. I feel as if I will soon snap, run screaming from the madness and renounce my duties as a Death Eater spy. But I'll try to hide my worry and pain. I'll try to hold it in.

_Hearts are worn in these dark ages_

_You're not alone in this story's pages_

_The light has fallen amongst the living and the dying_

_I'll try to hold it in_

_Yeah I'll try to hold it in_

This utter craziness is more than I can handle. It seems as if the whole world is on fire. I'm trying to do my best, by pleasing both Dumbledore and the Dark Lord but I feel as if every time I bring something to the table, I'm only a one thousandth of the way there. Dumbledore even seems frazzled these days which does nothing to alleviate my own worries. I'm not sure if what I can give him is enough in the long run. He absentmindedly assures me that it is, but it is becoming increasingly difficult for me to share information with him without jeopardizing my position as a Death Eater.

And, of course, I'm trying my best to struggle through my Death Eater duties. I hate what I see and what I must do in order to remain in the circle. It is tearing me apart day, no… night by night. Everything is in darkness and all I can see are the ones around me being consumed by the smoke and fog. We're all on fire but I will continue doing what is expected of me and bring what I am able.

_The world's on fire, it's more than I can handle_

_I'll tap into the water and try to bring my share_

_I'll try to bring more, more than I can handle_

_I'll bring it to the table_

_I'll bring what I am able_

I am constantly on the lookout for a break, something out there that will help me, help the light side. I feel as if I should be able to do more and yet I already feel crushed by my responsibilities. No, this is where I need to be until all this is over. There's no escape from this calling. Perhaps what I am doing will, in some way, justify my mistakes. Will somehow change what is nearing. Whatever that may be.

You know, I have always prided myself on my ability to stand alone, to be able to live with the decisions I make, and to be able to breeze through this life with nothing to hold me down. How wrong could I be? And now, when that independence, courage, and strength is so mercilessly called for, I find I can't handle it. I shame to admit it, but I need someone to help me stand. To ease my worry, my self-hatred and my hatred of this cursed world.

I ask her only to stay close to me while the world falls down around me. I can not bear to be left alone through all this. Pathetic I know, but I don't want to be alone.

_I watch the heavens but I find no calling_

_Something I can do to change what's coming_

_Stay close to me while the sky is falling_

_I don't wanna be left alone, don't wanna be alone_

She has now become the only constant in these dark days. Though loath to admit it, I need her desperately. The need for her quiet presence and unassuming comfort seems to consume me. It is far too difficult to establish a routine, but nevertheless, I rely on her strength to keep me from disappearing beneath the blackness, disappearing into an abyss.

But this all consuming need sometimes overwhelms me. There are times when I can not handle the paradox that is my life. The dark despair and bleak pain of my duties mingles with the sweet kindness of her. I know I should be able to separate them but I can't help that sometimes she bears the brunt of my pain and of my anger. I feel ashamed when I see her heart break and know that I am the cause, that I add misery to her already burdened heart. She surprises me when she tells me I'm forgiven, that it's okay – her heart has mended. She has so much strength but I can't help think that one day it will all be too much for her and she won't spring back from my abuse, that she won't be able to handle my mood swings along with everything else. This relationship pains me. Pains both of us. Can love survive these bruises? Is love what we have between us? I don't know, but if it is love that we share, it hurts us both greatly. Surely it is not supposed to. I know my pessimistic attitude clashes with her optimistic visions for the future. And yet, she still stays to comfort me, to ease my pain.

The war looms ever closer. The sides collide, crash, and then rebuild. Soon both sides will be severely crippled and whoever walks away with victory will merely be the side that can hold out for just that extra bit longer.

Though I continually feel the cold closing in on us, she assures me that there's still hope, that I can still save people. As if I have _enough_ ability to save souls. One man is barely anything in the face of hundreds.

_Hearts break, hearts mend, love still hurts_

_Visions clash, planes crash, still there's talk of_

_Saving souls, still the cold's closing in on us_

I have been told the full out fighting war will begin tonight. Now we will open the door to the blazing, fiery sun and fight for what little victory we can attain. It will be the first time I have outwardly strayed from my usual path, openly removed my mask. I will reveal, for what I am certain will be an extremely short conflict, my true identity, my true loyalties. My allegiance to the Light Side.

I know the better I fight, the more people will die by my hand. And that will only further fuel my self loathing. I will be killing those I grew up with, those who made the same mistake as me. I know that even if I make it out of this, I'll never be the same. The past moths, the past year, have altered me just when I thought I could be altered no more. If I get through this, it will not be without severe sacrifice. If I am allowed to walk away from the battlefield, nothing will be the same. If I am fortunate enough, it will not be for any lack of death and destruction left behind in my wake.

_We part the veil on our killer sun_

_Stray from the straight line on this short run_

_The more we take, the less we become_

_The fortune of one man means less for some._

………..

**Hope you enjoyed. I haven't spent much time really getting into Snape's head so I hope these song fics come out okay.**

**For those of you reading It All Started When, I have to apologize. I was going to reply to reviews but posted this instead. **


End file.
